Satire essay on twilight

But ask what their favorite parody novel is and you'll likely get a blank stare. To help you answer this difficult, life-defining question the next time you're asked, here are the stories of a few novels that get the last laugh.

Satire essay on twilight

It is commonly known that with the world's extensive population, many women are never able to find their ideal man, or any man for that matter. And now that women have been exposed to a popular perception of the quintessential man, it is imperative that they find him.

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The times of simply settling for someone have passed because women now know exactly what they want. Being the noble person that I am, I recommend finding a solution to help these young ladies who have dreams of finding the perfect man.

Because they aspire to find an Edward of their own, the world is obligated to help by narrowing down the search. I propose the construction of internment camps to help cleanse the population of any misfit men who just don't compare to Edward.

Every man in the world shall be sent to one of these facilities to be inspected and pass a test.

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If they don't sparkle when they walk out into the sunlight, they will be cleansed in a routine gas bath to promote sparkling in their skin cells. They may not survive the cleansing, but since they didn't show any real promise of being a clone of Edward, it won't be any great loss.

After all, Edward sparkles and it'd be a shame if women everywhere weren't able to find a man exactly like him. Men who are fortunate enough to sparkle will be sent to other camps to fully transform themselves into Edward duplicates.

They will eat minimally and begin exercising everyday to cut down body fat. This may include hard labor, but that will only promise faster results. Edward has no body heat so men need to slim down so they won't retain any warmth, especially during winter.

These procedures may seem harsh but in actuality, this will be helping the men of the world. This will make them more attractive to women and they will be more likely to attract a mate this way.

Of course, the aforementioned measures don't have to be taken. All of women's acceptance problems with men have the possibility of being solved if only they would wake up from their fantasy world and realize that Edward Cullen doesn't exist and he never will exist.

Real men don't sparkle in the sunlight. In fact, real vampires don't sparkle either. They burn in excruciating pain. If men are sent for processing at concentration camps, all of humanity will end because the entire male population will be sent to the gas chambers.

Because, as was mentioned before, real men don't sparkle. Oh my gosh I love it! I truly love it even though I'm a fan of Twilight. But it's true, the amount of followers has epically grown in just a short year. It's quite frightening to know that the actor who plays Edward was literally almost trampled by a bunch of fan girls.What, you thought you could get rid of me?

After another six month-long kick in the nuts from Ol' Man Winter, it's time to shake the dust off this blog and rev up for the 9th Annual Iowahawk Earth Week Cruise-In, the yearly online pageant where I and my readers celebrate the climate-correcting miracle of internal combustion, and honor Mother .

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Satire essay on twilight

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